Holding on to “this too shall pass”

November  22, 2011

Dear Seif,

Here we go again, Seifo… uncertainty, tension, and fear.  Tahrir Square – the place you and I went to clean almost a year ago – is filled with scenes that makes my heart drop down an elevator shaft.  You saw on television young men being carried on top of shoulders, dripping with blood or dangling lifelessly as they were rushed to make-shift hospitals in the street.  You reached for a baseball bat and told me how you wanted to hit the people responsible for these crimes.  Your 8-year-old eyes should not be seeing such violence nor thinking such thoughts.

What a time we’re in, Seif… A few days ago, I went to the Swiss embassy at 8:00 a.m. with 40 middle and high school students to apply for a visa for our winter trip.  We could smell tear gas wafting our way, coming from Tahrir Square several blocks down. Some students began coughing lightly and their eyes began to tear instantly.  I was tense the whole time, not knowing what to expect. I was relieved to pack the students back into the bus and drive away from the epicenter of unraveling violence.  Upon returning to school, it was like a ghost town… hardly anyone came.

This week, school has been crazy.  During morning lines, we observed a moment of silence for those who died in the few days that passed.  Egyptians killed by Egyptians.  Due to lack of student attendance, teachers haven’t been able to give proper lessons.  We were dismissed at 12 noon today because of the “million man march” that was due to begin at 4 p.m.  Students kept asking if there would be school tomorrow.  I couldn’t answer beyond, “Yes, unless you hear from school administration.” There is something very unsettling about uncertainty… it breeds more fear.

I’m back to making repeated and annoying calls to your dad since his office is near Tahrir.  My calls are not just to know if he’s okay, but to make sure that he’s not at Tahrir.  You never know with your dad… I still remember January 28, 2011; the feelings I went through on that day are stitched to my mind and heart.  I’m traumatized by it, actually… I still can’t talk about it without crying.  I thought I was fine, but apparently I’m not.  I’m waiting for “time heals” to kick in.

Parliamentary elections begin next week.  Some people don’t want it to happen and will probably put up a fight.  I’m scared that we might spiral beyond control if clashes continue.  The uncertainty of what will happen to this country feels like anticipating a tsunami that will either just miss us or drown us all.  I hate to be negative, Seifo… it goes against everything I try to teach you.  I just need to vent because I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness growing inside me.  For now, I will hang on to the proverb that goes, “This too shall pass”.  May it pass with no more casualties.

Love you,

Your hysterical mom, part II